Getting a jump on the competition

If you're Nike, trying to hold your place in a hyper-competitive shoe market, finding the next LeBron James is one of the focuses of your marketing organization. It's no longer sufficient to identify talent in college or high school, the forward thinking company has to start scouting them a little earlier.

My favorite, for obvious reasons:

4. Christopher "Magic" Johnson, guard

One-year-old phenom. Already plays like a 2-year-old. Scouts say he's the best ballhandler they've seen in years: can hold ball without falling. Turnover rate should drop considerably if he stops drooling. Defense and rebounding need work: seems more interested in breastfeeding than boxing out.