The Machine!

From Paul S on the Lakers Usenet group comes this bit of gold (his syntax):

Machine.c

#include
#include

int main(void)
{
select phase
when (Offense)
if get(basketball) = 1 then do
if Kobe(demandsball) then pass
else if distance > 22 then shoot
when (Defense)
if Defender(nearby) then wackball
else if Defender(drives) then flop
otherwise bench
return 0
}