Big shot Bob gets punked

In a genius prank (which has since been edited but a screen shot of the original is here) the Yahoo box score of last night's San Antonio-Golden State game listed Robert Horry not as the usual "DNP - Coach's Decision" (DNP = Did Not Play) as "DNP - Old Age!"

That's gonna leave a mark.

The world's laziest beggar

I was at a fast food joint the other day grabbing some breakfast, and a beggar approached the car as I was getting ready to leave. This is not completely out of the ordinary, but they usually start talking you up with some sob story, and if it's creative enough I will give in and help them on their way to that next 40 ouncer. But this (probably Mexican) woman got to my rolled down window and...held up a note, which a quick scan suggested was some sob story about her brother and sister. I'm tempted to say that shows some serious cajones, but in any case she had less chance of getting money from me than would the Boston Celtics Recovery Fund. Even though I'm not a morning person, I had a ready answer: "Je ne parle pas anglais." I hope the irony translated, and who says you'll never use those required foreign language hours?

If you're going to panhandle, at least learn the freaking language!

It may not be on your calendar...

...but today is a very important holiday. I'll leave it to the website to explain:

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

Today's lesson: steal!

Here's a story that symbolizes of the mindset of teacher's unions circa 2007:

The school district that runs the nation's largest merit pay program gave oversized bonuses to nearly 100 teachers and is asking them to give it back. The president of Houston's largest teachers' union is telling members not to return the overpayments, which range from $62.50 to $2,790.

A total of almost $75,000 was overpaid because a computer program mistakenly calculated the bonuses of part-time personnel as if they were full-time employees, according to the Houston Independent School District. Less than 1 percent of teachers were affected, the district said.

Gayle Fallon, president of the Houston Federation of Teachers, said the district can't force the 99 teachers to sign forms authorizing it to deduct the money from their paychecks, and promised legal action if it attempts to do so.

"If it's the district's error, then the district should bear the loss," she said.

This is revolting. Ms. Fallon's position is that it's okay to steal money if it's given to you by mistake. Doubtless she's the type who, when accidentally given extra change by a waiter or store clerk thinking she gave them a $20 bill instead of a $10, rushes out of the business and high fives her companion at having made a personal score at the expense of a low paid worker.

If she is this unethical in her personal life, let those she victimizes and her conscience (if she has one) deal with it. But in her capacity as a very highly paid official and as a public figure, you have to hope that her urging her constituents to steal money from their employer (in this case, the taxpayers of Houston) will be met with the level of public scorn it deserves. And that Houston's teachers will show that they are a group with some sense of morality and professional ethics and show this despicable woman the door at the earliest opportunity. How would you like to be a teacher, or even just a parent having to explain this story to your child? It's tough enough to instill values in children these days without them seeing their teachers as not having any.

There is a punchline to the story:

The union opposes the merit system unanimously approved by the school board last year.

That's right - Fallon doesn't think any Houston teacher should have gotten a bonus!

As you may know, the primary goal of teacher's unions is to avoid any semblance of accountability for teachers. This serves to protect the incompetent teacher from being fired and to deny reward or incentive to excellent teachers. It's a system that creates spoils for lousy teachers and union officials at the expense of quality teachers and, of course, students.

Finding a way to make teachers and schools accountable for their performance in educating is the number one problem facing American schools today. The unions have an entire political party, as well as tons of individual politicians, in their pockets, so no help is likely to come there. The best hope for the kids, and thus to a large degree our future, is getting free market principles into our education system and letting them work their usual magic - whether it be by vouchers, tax credits or via local initiatives at the ballot box.

I'm shocked, shocked

It's that time of year again, a reminder of what the AMA had to say last year:

CHICAGO - The American Medical Association is warning girls not to go wild during spring break. All but confirming what goes on in those "Girls Gone Wild" videos, 83 percent of college women and graduates surveyed by the AMA said spring break involves heavier-than-usual drinking, and 74 percent said the break results in increased sexual activity.

More drinking? More sex? Whoda thunk it? Thanks, AMA, for this groundbreaking research.

Plamegate post-mortem

The silliness that has been the Valerie Plame "outing" has come to an end with Scooter Libby having been convicted of, basically, being Bill Clinton. I never really had much interest in the whole thing once it became clear that there was no underlying crime, just a guy making inconsistent statements during the investigation of a non-crime. Whether he did so out of forgetfulness or on purpose doesn't really matter to me since there was nothing to actually cover up.

What is a continuing source of humor is that not only was her disclosure not done by the White House and not done with any malice, it was done by an official (Richard Armitage) who has been a consistent Bush administration critic and vocal opponent of the Iraq War. It wasn't about hostility, it was merely random Washington gossip. The idea that there was some kind of revenge outing by the White House, as well as her husband's entire narrative about his trip to Niger, have been conclusively proven false.

If you're looking to have some fun, be on the lookout for media reporting Wilson's story or the notion of a vengeful White House outing as fact instead of as completely discredited. As with the many times over debunked idea that "Bush lied about WMD" the theory is that if you keep repeating the lie often enough, those who are ignorant of the facts will believe you. Documenting them could make for an office pool for folks who don't care about NCAA hoops but want to get in on the fun in March - Plame Madness brackets! Damn, I had Chris Matthews going to the Elite Eight, how could he lose to Matt Lauer?!?

I'll leave the last word to the Washington Post's editorial (as excerpted here):

A bipartisan investigation by the Senate intelligence committee subsequently established that all of these claims [by former ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV] were false -- and that Mr. Wilson was recommended for the Niger trip by Ms. Plame, his wife... The [Libby] trial has provided convincing evidence that there was no conspiracy to punish Mr. Wilson by leaking Ms. Plame's identity -- and no evidence that she was, in fact, covert... The former ambassador will be remembered as a blowhard. Mr. Cheney and Mr. Libby were overbearing in their zeal to rebut Mr. Wilson and careless in their handling of classified information. Mr. Libby's subsequent false statements were reprehensible. And Mr. Fitzgerald has shown again why handing a Washington political case to a federal special prosecutor is a prescription for excess. Mr. Fitzgerald was, at least, right about one thing: The Wilson-Plame case, and Mr. Libby's conviction, tell us nothing about the war in Iraq.

Had this been an actual emergency...

...we would have done nothing:

State schools and government were supposed to practice responding to bad weather on Wednesday, but the weather was too bad, says Ken Davis, a Georgia Emergency Management Agency spokesman.

Rain, which began Tuesday and is expected to let up Wednesday afternoon, was the problem.

The drill, planned as part of Severe Weather Awareness Week, was rescheduled for Friday.