Thursday, December 28, 2006

Be careful what you wish for

The Clippers and perhaps a coupe of other teams are interested in trading for Ron Artest, much as the Kings were a year ago. Ron-Ron is like that smoking hot girl, the one you fantasized about and finally got...only to find out that she has an affinity for tequila and coke (and I don't mean a nasty mixed drink). Seemed like a great idea, like living a dream, right up until around the second week of the relationship.

My favorite Artest moment of this season came last month when he missed a practice (and later a few games) due to back spasms. A victim of Tim Duncan's signature climbing over the back rebound move? Suffer a particularly nasty Dikembe Mutumbo rejection? No, Ron-Ron had been driving his wife's Mercedes SL500 back and forth to Arco Arena.

The car had been a gift from Artest to his wife Kimsha, but apparently it wasn't her style. So he started driving the car, but his back started giving him fits. He has since switched back to his Hummer and put the Mercedes on the market. Maybe Earl Boykins needs a new ride?

One thing's for certain - whoever ends up trading for Artest, they will end up with a case of buyer's remorse that can't be cured by any Hummer. And as every woman knows, any problem a Hummer can't cure is out of control.

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Let's hope this one stays under

"An Iraqi appeals court on Tuesday upheld a ruling to execute deposed leader Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity and said he could hang within 30 days."

I'd prefer 30 minutes, but this is great news anyway.

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Friday, December 22, 2006

The 7 point possession

This sequence from the Utah-Atlanta game on Wednesday may or may not be a record for points in one possession, but it sure beats anything I've ever seen:

10:34 76-95 Speedy Claxton bad pass (Ronnie Brewer steals)
10:33 76-95 Salim Stoudamire clear path foul (Ronnie Brewer draws the foul)
10:33 Ronnie Brewer makes free throw 77-95
10:33 Ronnie Brewer makes free throw 78-95
10:22 Derek Fisher makes 28-foot three point jumper (Mehmet Okur assists) 81-95
10:22 81-95 Lorenzen Wright shooting foul (Derek Fisher draws the foul)
10:22 Derek Fisher misses free throw 1 of 1 81-95
10:19 Carlos Boozer offensive rebound 81-95
10:07 Carlos Boozer makes layup (Andrei Kirilenko assists) 83-95

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Thursday, December 21, 2006


A helpful translation from Christopher Hitchens:

"If, when reading an article about the debate over Iraq, you come across the expression 'the realist school' and mentally substitute the phrase 'the American friends of the Saudi royal family,' your understanding of the situation will invariably be enhanced."


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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Sad Sack Sixers

I'm no fan of Peter Vescey, who is sort of the Peter Gammons of the NBA, but have to give him props for describing Philadelphia's lineup as "Kukla, Fran and Kevin Ollie" tonight on NBA TV.

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Pat Conroy, a brave coward

Author Pat Conroy has up a remarkable essay excerpted from his book My Losing Season whereby he confesses that he was an "American Coward" for his Vietnam era draft dodging and antiwar demonstrating. I won't quote from it becasue I want you to read the whole thing, it's great stuff. Conroy may have been a coward in the 60's, but he is a man in the truest sense of the word now.

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Give our nukes to the mullahs!

It's probably impolite to make fun of the insane, but this is just too funny to pass up. The AP is apparently pushing a new anti-war figure, a Rosemarie Jackowski from Vermont, who has been appealing her 2003 arrest for disrupting traffic. They make her out to be a regular old gal, "not a loony tune by any means," but that turns out to be true only in the sense that "loony tune" is a huge undersell. Check out some of her fine work:

The United States owes reparations to the people of Iran. How much should be paid for the 1953 coup? How much is a democracy worth? Here’s a thought. Suppose the U.S. gave all of its nuclear weapons to Iran. Would that be a win, win, win scenario? The world would be safer because the only nation that had ever used nukes would no longer have any. The people of Iran would be compensated for the 1953 coup. The U.S. taxpayers would be spared a bill for reparations.

But she's not an anti-Semite! You hate to say that something is the funniest thing you've ever read, because the competition is so stiff, so I'll just say that this is a serious contender.

Hat tip: James Taranto.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Kofi decoded

They wear those earphones at the UN so that everybody gets the proper translation of the speaker's words. TO save you the trouble and a case of earphone hair, Jules Crittenden has posted a helpful Bullshit->English translation of one of Kofi Annan's farewell speeches.

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Sunday, December 10, 2006


The Lakers beat the Shams and the Cowgirls get blown right out of Texas Stadium. That, my friends, is the definition of a perfect night.

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Sad but true

Dean Barnett:

If James Baker ran a bipartisan Blue-Ribbon panel tasked with saving social security, his commission would conclude that no real progress on social security was possible until Israel ceded the Golan Heights to Syria and made whatever concessions necessary to mollify Hamas.

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First Amendment defense in Missouri

Missouri governor Matt Blunt "shows me" that there are still some public officials out there willing to enforce the Constitution's prevention of government "prohibiting the free exercise" of religion and take a stand against anti-religious bigotry with this wonderful directive:

From: Governor Matt Blunt
To: Department Directors
Date: December 4, 2006
Re: “Merry Christmas”

Last year there was a great deal of public discussion regarding the Christmas season. Specifically, we heard from those who believe that the Christmas break should be called by a non-religious name such as “Winter Holiday.” They also argued that traditional Christmas greetings such as “Merry Christmas” should not be used.

Missouri state government employees should not have to worry about this matter. To ensure that there is no confusion regarding our state policy I am directing that each of you inform all members of your department that they should feel at ease using traditional holiday phrases, including “Merry Christmas,” and they should have no fear of official reprisal. I also ask that you inform your staff that the objections of those who are offended by these phrases be given due consideration, but that no state employee will be reprimanded or in any way disciplined for saying “Merry Christmas.”

This holiday season should not give state employees reason to feel as though they must check their religious views at the door of a government building. Instead, it is my hope that each state employee enjoys the holiday season with full confidence that their government exists to preserve their liberty rather than constrict it.

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Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Europe Study Group

Okay, where were we...

From a comment thread at comes this bit of genius:

So the wise men met and decided that the price of a Normandy invasion was just too steep. According to leaked War Department memos, planners estimate deaths on D-Day alone could reach 10,000. In a lengthy, bipartisan recommendation the commission recommended America unilaterally meet with representatives of Berlin, Rome and Tokyo to develop a reasonable exit strategy. It would probably involve giving some concessions. England was a diminishing power in the world and could be abandoned. Other Allies were of little use to America’s long range interests.

There was widespread media opinion that President Roosevelt had made a mess of the War and refused—after repeated requests by key members of the press--to admit it publicly. Those in Congress who had voted in favor of the War after Pearl Harbor were changing their minds now that they suspected White House duplicity in the attack and the original rationale for the War.

A number of leading newspapers have reluctantly come to the conclusion that the War is lost and while sympathetic to the plight of millions enslaved people under Axis domination—some being exterminated—that it was just not in America’s best interests to continue to fight and die. After all, apart from several sub sightings off the Atlantic coast and a few rumors of Japanese ships near the pacific coast, no further attacks on the American mainland had happened since Pearl Harbor.

The commission’s findings and recommendations will be discussed throughout Washington in the days ahead.

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